I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
