I think my fart just growled at me.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
