508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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