i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Randomize
