Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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