We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
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