I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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