none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The police scanner is talking about you again....
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
