So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
