all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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