she smelled like a LAN party
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
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Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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