Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I think people are normalizing furries
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
