bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
