I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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