i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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