I never want to see another naked old woman again.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
