She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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