Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
