We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
