Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
