yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
