I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Randomize
