sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.