Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did