Texts From Last Night

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  (303): View more from Colorado

  We took shots in honor of Shark Week.

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  (303): We took shots in honor of Shark Week. http://tfl.nu/tloc
  Replies (19) Good night (7712) Bad night (666)
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  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?

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  (781): does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant? http://tfl.nu/3cg3
  Replies (56) Good night (4251) Bad night (1155)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.

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  (812): sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city. http://tfl.nu/nl67
  Replies (49) Good night (1059) Bad night (3368)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.

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  (501): Turns out vomit takes off spray tan. http://tfl.nu/8hd7
  Replies (10) Good night (867) Bad night (5023)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.

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  (513): sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces. http://tfl.nu/5w4e
  Replies (16) Good night (6931) Bad night (942)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".

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  (817): Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel". http://tfl.nu/2v56
  Replies (15) Good night (5215) Bad night (1085)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for

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  (602): I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for http://tfl.nu/u905
  Replies (31) Good night (5264) Bad night (1115)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'

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  (845): Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary' http://tfl.nu/zqo1
  Replies (7) Good night (2972) Bad night (1115)
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  (602): View more from Arizona

  Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!

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  (602): Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both! http://tfl.nu/0dax
  Replies (4) Good night (1397) Bad night (461)
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  (914): View more from New York

  I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.

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  (914): I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me. http://tfl.nu/fqr3
  Replies (6) Good night (470) Bad night (1241)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.

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  (613): As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'. http://tfl.nu/ayxf
  Replies (14) Good night (658) Bad night (2904)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.

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  (816): I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap. http://tfl.nu/otej
  Replies (4) Good night (464) Bad night (1078)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil

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  (773): I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil http://tfl.nu/zlzm
  Replies (2) Good night (702) Bad night (431)
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  (561): View more from Florida

  Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?

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  (561): Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun? http://tfl.nu/syxe
  Replies (2) Good night (1005) Bad night (304)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.

  (606): View more from Kentucky

  Cheese only

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  (606): Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort. (606): Cheese only http://tfl.nu/r3u9
  Replies (5) Good night (924) Bad night (295)

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