I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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