do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN