Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I still have a little drunk in my system
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.