so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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