I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
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Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
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I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS