I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
