i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
