I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this boner is exhausting
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Randomize
