Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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