She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
