see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
