its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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