I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
