How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
