omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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