she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize