bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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