Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
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