Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
