I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
