"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just gift wrapped bread.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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