Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
