I love black thongs
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
