HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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