somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
