Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So apparently I’m into choking now
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
