Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
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