It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
