Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
