I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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