I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
