so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
we made out on top of his cat.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
