dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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