i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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