Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
