You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
