Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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