My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Randomize
