but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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