apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
