You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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