Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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