I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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